Choose a Partner Who Can Carry Your Vision
Choose a Partner Who Can Carry Your Vision
Yesterday, a dearly beloved woman of God called me in tears.
She first came to see me about two years ago because of her marriage.
She explained that her husband had become emotionally distant. Although he was very wealthy, he lived in another state and only visited about once a month.
He would personally buy food for the house instead of giving her money to manage the home.
He refused to allow her to work.
At the time, they had not been intimate for over a year.
After listening carefully and praying about the matter, I gave her a very difficult answer.
I told her,
“You have two choices. Leave this marriage or prepare to endure it. There are situations where change is possible, but there are also situations where a person’s heart has become so settled that no amount of persuasion or intervention will produce the change you are hoping for.”
She immediately thought about her children.
I advised her to relocate, rebuild her life, secure employment, and create stability for herself while making proper arrangements for the children with trusted family if necessary.
Over the years, I have seen many broken marriages restored.
I have seen hardened hearts soften.
I have witnessed remarkable reconciliation.
But I have also learned that there are situations where remaining in a destructive environment only prolongs suffering.
She wasn’t satisfied with my counsel.
Her mother believed another solution could be found elsewhere, so they sought additional help.
For a brief period, things appeared to improve.
Her husband returned home.
Their relationship became intimate again after more than a year apart.
But the change lasted only about a month.
Then everything became worse than before.
A few weeks ago, while returning from dropping her children at school, she was involved in a serious accident.
She was rushed to the hospital.
Her husband heard about the accident.
He did not visit her.
Instead, he took the damaged vehicle to the mechanic.
He paid only the exact hospital bill, nothing more.
When she was discharged after a week, he informed her that there would be no money for food that month because the household feeding allowance would be used to repair the vehicle.
He also refused to provide money for pain medication or her ongoing recovery.
Meanwhile, this was a man who owned several vehicles.
As we spoke yesterday, she told me she had been surviving through the kindness of friends and relatives while recovering from her injuries and caring for her children.
My heart broke.
What made the story even more painful was this.
Before marriage, this woman was thriving.
She owned a successful business.
She sponsored the education of three younger siblings.
She was capable, hardworking, and financially independent.
So where did everything begin to change?
During courtship, the man told her plainly,
“When we get married, you will stop working. I have enough money to take care of everything.”
At the time, that sounded like love.
Today, it has become one of her greatest regrets.
This is an important lesson, especially for women.
Marriage has a profound influence on your future.
The man you marry can either create an environment where your gifts, purpose, and dreams flourish, or he can slowly extinguish them.
Don’t evaluate a man only by his ability to provide financially.
Ask yourself a deeper question.
Does his vision have room for mine?
Will he encourage my growth?
Will he celebrate my purpose?
Will he make space for the person God is calling me to become?
Money alone cannot answer those questions.
Another mistake many people make is marrying potential while ignoring the present.
Potential is valuable.
But present character matters just as much.
A man who genuinely values your dreams will usually demonstrate it long before he becomes wealthy.
If he has great resources but consistently dismisses your aspirations, pay attention.
Marriage does not automatically change a person’s values.
Many times, it simply reveals them more clearly.
Some decisions shape the rest of your life.
That is why wisdom before marriage is far better than regret after marriage.
May God give every man and woman the wisdom to recognize what truly matters before making one of the most important decisions of their lives.
