Attention Is Not Commitment
Attention Is Not Commitment
Several years ago, a close female friend invited me to her newly rented apartment.
At the time, I had just left my job, stepped away from business, and begun full-time ministry.
Before I left, she asked me to pray for her.
As I prayed, something unusual happened.
I became aware of a spiritual impression in which I saw what appeared to be her photograph, but the woman in the image looked much older.
I asked, “Who are you?”
The answer was her name.
I then asked, “How old are you?”
The response was, “Forty.”
When I asked whether she was married, she began to cry and spoke about years of painful and unsuccessful relationships.
The impression ended, and I immediately shared with her what I believed I had perceived.
I urged her to take her relationship future seriously.
At the time, she was young, attractive, and had several men expressing interest in her.
She believed everything was under control.
She dismissed what I told her, and the conversation eventually became disrespectful.
I chose to step away from the friendship.
Years later, I heard through mutual friends that every one of those relationships had ended, and she was still searching for marriage.
Another experience came some time later.
While reviewing the participants in one of our relationship prayer groups, I felt strongly prompted to contact a particular lady.
I asked about her relationship.
She told me she was with someone.
I encouraged her to pray carefully about the relationship because I believed it faced serious challenges.
I also explained that if she desired further spiritual support, we could discuss appropriate steps.
She didn’t respond.
A couple of days later, she sent me an engagement photo with a message implying that my warning had been wrong.
She then left the group.
Time passed.
Much later, while reviewing new registrations, I discovered she had quietly returned.
She had contacted the office asking to rejoin after the engagement had ended.
These experiences reminded me of something that applies far beyond relationships.
Nobody plans for disappointment.
Nobody expects to lose a relationship.
Nobody expects financial collapse.
Nobody imagines that years of hard work may not immediately produce the life they envisioned.
Yet difficult seasons happen.
They happen to good people.
They happen to intelligent people.
They happen to people of faith.
They happen to people who pray sincerely.
Recognizing this reality is not fear.
It is wisdom.
Faith is not pretending that life has no risks.
Faith is choosing to live wisely while trusting God through whatever comes.
In relationships especially, one mistake many people make is confusing attention with commitment.
Just because many people admire you does not mean many people intend to build a future with you.
Compliments are not commitment.
Attention is not intention.
Interest is not responsibility.
Many people enjoy the excitement of pursuing someone, but very few are prepared for the responsibility of building a lasting relationship.
Do not measure your relationship prospects by how many people are attracted to you.
Measure them by the quality of the people who are intentional about your future.
Build your life with wisdom.
Pay attention to character.
Pay attention to consistency.
Pay attention to shared values and purpose.
Because in the end, admiration may make you feel special, but intentional commitment is what builds a lasting marriage.
